Does anybody know who the photographer is?
From How My Other Half Lives:
One of the reasons I respond so well to kink and poly is that I have the freedom to explore different relationship dynamics in parallel to one another. It definitely helps that my, well, Partners, for lack of a better term, are mature, communicative, and all around decent human beings. For this I am truly blessed.
Lately, though, my brain seems to have snagged on the intersection of poly and the D/s language of ownership. How does one find a good balance when multiple people claim you as theirs?
I’m not struggling with this question. It’s rather an unusual stone that I’ve just picked up off the ground. I’m turning it over and over in my hand, examining its crevices and facets.
It’s only now that the language of “mine” presents itself as a conundrum, though I’ve been involved in two relationships for the last few months. When the newer relationship came into the picture, called me his, but there was nothing to reconcile.
Why? Because the longstanding relationship doesn’t hinge on that language. I hold that relationship dear to my heart, and I often submit to him within the context of a scene, but I was never declared his.
The dynamics were (and are) fundamentally different. They play two distinct roles and are fulfilling In their own ways.
It’s interesting that the relationship where the language of mine fits is otherwise ill defined by design. He has made it very clear that he is not in a place where he can assume the role of primary partner, nor has he any intention of putting a formal collar around my or really anyone’s neck. I honor and respect this. When asked what we are, I usually respond “We’re a… something. But in a good way.”
It’s been interesting to explore how words and displays of possession manifest outside of formal D/s ownership. Granted, I’ve never been owned, so I have no frame of reference for a more formalized ownership dynamic.
And I’ve enjoyed the use of mine in this more fluid context, truly.
Not too long ago, I made a really great connection with someone local. This is full of happy. Much as I adore my lovers, the issue of geography was starting to wear at me a bit. The whole I only get to see my partners once a month of I’m lucky is, to put it mildly, less than ideal. My other partners have been wonderful and supportive of this new development.
Not sure how it will shape up yet, but I’m hoping he will remain a recurring character in my life and on this blog. (I know he’s reading this. Funny what happens when your cast of characters is also part of your audience)
I find myself in another situation that, at least in part, centers around language of possession. Now, from a responsible poly perspective, there’s nothing rotten in Denmark whatsoever. Not even an overripe orange. But I’m finding the concept of being claimed by two people, if only in the context of play, to be an interesting phenomenon to wrap my head around.
I imagine it would be easier from the perspective of a dominant. Practically speaking, it’s much easier to lay claim to multiple things or people than it is to have multiple people lay claim to you.
Plus, the thought of having to keep track of more than one set of orders is more than a little daunting. I don’t know how my ADD addled brain will cope and still get all of my vanilla work done.
So how to reconcile poly and possession. Also important; how to juggle two relationships with a heavy emphasis on possession without short changing or rendering less meaningful the third relationship. I imagine myself as a time share being split three ways, which is a wholly unsexy images. It makes me sound like I’m a summer home in Boca.
Perhaps the moral of the story is that I should just stop trying to analyze and enjoy the many blessings and people in my life at present.
For more of Sascha’s writing go to http://howmyotherhalflives.wordpress.com.
Tags: Blogs, D/s, Guests, Polyamory, Sascha's Other Half // 2 Comments »
