A very special man being manly, indeed

So I was talking to my friend, The Dude, about a series started by Ellie on Lumpesse.com on Masculinity and the similar musings of Gabe, from Pornocracy.org, who has just started the Naked Blog Boy Roundup.  He wrote his own post about masculinity:

Masculinity…

Masculinity is a difficult thing to describe- is it a physical build, a mental status, a style of action and behavior, or a combination of the above?  To take the short answer, like most complex human emotions/positions, it’s a combination of many things.

First, an introduction and an explanation of where I’m coming from.   I’m known on Catalina Says as “The Dude”, so as regular readers may or may not know, I’m the 23 year old teacher who worked with and befriended Catalina over the last year plus.  I grew up in a relatively large Midwestern city, with a great home situation, with a father and mother who loved each other and both me and my brother.  In fact, I can’t think of a better upbringing to have had as a child/adolescent.  I’ve spent a good portion of my life straddling [pun intended] the supposedly mutually exclusive lives of jock and athlete.  I’m built fairly athletically, at 6’0” and 180 lbs., and I played sports my entire life, including through college; however  I also competed in a kind of Quiz Bowl and majored in mathematics in college.  Catalina was also my first real exposure to “the kinky side of life”, so I’m still fairly mainstream in my approach to most things, though I’ve always been quite libertarian in my beliefs.

Now that you know me a bit better, let me continue on with my ramblings about masculinity….Unlike Gabe from Pornocracy and those who responded to Ellie Lumpesse, I’ve never been big into the so-called “alternative scenes”, nor have I ever been attracted to another man.  Now, this isn’t to say that I find anything wrong with those lifestyles, as I don’t- obviously, else I wouldn’t be such good friends with Catalina, nor would I be guest-contributing to this site- but, I think it’s important that you know exactly where this is coming from.  Now, to move past the tangential clauses and “protective” statements, I believe that masculinity, in a basic and simple explanation, is simply an evolutionary leftover.  Like the appendix, masculinity is a remnant of a time when it was important not only for a man to be able to protect his mate, family, and possessions, but where it was important that the rest of the tribe or clan knew that he could do so.

To do so, any semblance of weakness needed to be expunged, not only from the external presentation of a man, but, and this is important, from the internal personality of the man.  See, as you all well know, doubt can strangle the dreams and actions of every person, and when these actions affected the well-being not only of self, but of others, they could not be allowed to exist.  In an evolutionary sense, it really is that simple.

In a modern, theoretical sense, however, these ideas are not so easily defined.  Sure, these ideas have carried forward into modern times as “societal norms”, but for those who have rejected mainstream society (as I largely have, despite my perceived inclusion), why does masculinity have such a hold?  Well, first, it is ingrained in boys from a young age.  I was playing war and dodge ball and other competitive games for as long as I can remember.  In fact, I still do, though it is now for “the love of the game”, rather than in some misguided attempt to prove myself as a “worthy mate”.  As a kid, I was always somewhat of the “athletic” build, and so these things tended to come naturally and without question from me.  I don’t pretend to speak for others, but I believe that there is a general striving, especially among the male population, to find a niche and to be the “best”, or at least “worthy” in that pursuit.  It’s often seen as “a life having purpose”….be it the athlete, the brain, or the musician, something to stand out was and is always the goal.

This is not enough to explain the continued prevalence of “pissing contest” measurements in history however- certainly, some males have not moved past their primitive urges, but, by and large, I believe that most of the male population has.  So, why the continued emphasis on masculinity?  Some portion, I believe, is also imprinted on the female DNA - a virile, masculine male is a quality mate, and the proper choice, etc.  However, even this is not a full explanation.

I think that the male predilection towards being masculine is based in comfort.  In trying to be a “macho” man, the goals and consequences are readily defined.  A man “knows” he’s a man when he reaches a certain level along his journey up the pyramid.  This comfort comes not from the belief that he has assured himself dominance over other males, or that he has procured a quality mate in order to propogate the species,  but because he has attained a goal and exerted himself appropriately to the necessary level.  To say “it just feels right” is certainly a bit of a cop out, but it may also be the truth.

Now, in order to look at this from a perspective less self-involved than my own ramblings, I’m going to attempt to answer Ellie Lumpesse’s questions posted in earlier posts

What was the first time you remember being aware of masculinity?  How old were you?  What was the cultural climate or influence?

Honestly, the first time I remember being aware of masculinity was when I began 3rd grade.  Up until then, girls were this “similar species” that we shared our schools and play fields with.  Mom was still just “Mom” and dad was still just “Dad”, until sometime shortly after I turned 8.[Full disclosure: I never had a sister or female cousins with whom I was close]  At that point, however, it became all about “impressing the girls”, and how best to do that.  At some basic level, I needed to stand out from the pack, and since I was above average both athletically and intellectually(God bless my parents and their great genes), I strived to succeed in both areas, unaware of the stigma attached to nerds as adolescence progressed.  As posted above, large Midwestern city, pretty affluent, early 90’s was the cultural climate.

Do you think of yourself as masculine?  Why or why not?

Honestly, no, I usually don’t.  It’s basically hardwired into me at this point- though I think that I’ve gotten the good, “impress girls, but not at a detriment to yourself or your relationships” masculinity, instead of the “beat her up, do whatever you want to show off” masculinity…..though that may just be my own personal bias.  Respect for women, for life, and a general live and let live attitude are some of the things I believe I’ve been instilled with[and as I write this, I realize what a great job my father did and what I have to live up to with my own children, one day].

How does you masculinity relate to your sexuality (be it your orientation, preferences, or expressions)?

Well, I’m definitely hetero, and have never been interested in another man.  Again, not sure how much is tied into masculinity and how much is tied into general societal norms, but there it is.  As for preferences, I’m a sucker for the long, lean, athletic look……as Catalina can tell you, I’m a sucker for the right hamstring-into-ass measure.  As for expression, I’m also fairly straight-edge, although I think that may be just as much based on experiences with women of my age, who are a bit uncomfortable to try things outside of societal norms…..I believe that age is an equal issue in the experimentation levels of men and women.

Tags: Blogs, Catalina Says, Guests, Stuff //